“No, wait stay longer!“
“You’ve had enough !, Jesus did not die for you to drown in relationship induced traumas!“
Shut Up !, I yelled in the deafening silence. I was alone. The echo bounced back and the wrath kicked in. So much pain. I watched the shower cough up the cold water that was about to deliver my much awaited torment. I sat there in agony. The parts of me that hurt were out of reach, the heart was functioning fine but I could feel the holes that were re opened. My mind knew i was just being a wimp but the voices couldnt let me go through it alone. She had done it again this time. Karma let it. That ungrateful degenerate let this happen to me. Broken by the arrow i caught. Treacherous Cupid.
“The heart that broke me”, was a taste of the emotional torment I was yet to experience. An emotional compass. I really thought I could write about the events but I noticed the story has a beauty to it. So here is how I felt, forget the beauty aspect for now :
A grip of regret caught my soul and I blamed myself. I wanted to cry but my eyes were dry from the sleepless nights I had had. My appetite was as bad and my mind state. My entire world was rocked into the cracks of hell and my heart bled. My mind became flaky, I was losing myself. Every fiber that held my muscles tensed and my stomach felt hollow. I was in some sort of limbo where my body was giving in to my emotions and no tears in sight. Love I thought. Slow poison. I drank it swiftly and it went down in no rush. I had tasted my own medicine and got an understanding of life. Doctors truly cannot heal themselves. I knew I had messed up but my pride could not let me confess, my skeletons look better clothed in the closet. I wanted a reset. A mind cleansing to forget everything I was feeling, she had found the thread that held my fabricated stronghold of a life. I was a fake. I was emotional after all. I was lost in my own psyche. The vulnerable incarnate of myself became dominant. Peter from the Jesus story became my worst bible character from then. And that’s how my story was for months. She told everyone love lived alone. That’s how the drinking began. I felt numb to the pain. My emotions took a vacation for a while.
Thank you for being a part of my stories. Mind of a boyfriend is evolving in a few weeks. Please stay tuned. Share .Like and comment.