Mind of a boyfriend

About the time I was a ‘Main’

Main. The driver’s seat , the ultimate role. This is not a drill, this is the build up we were preparing for. First things first, let me send a shout out to the woman who made me a main ( without a side, for as long as that lasted). She was the sweetest thing ever. Okay, back to the narrative. This is post that separates men from boys, grades them into the “boyfriend” and ultimately “hus-kings” to their Empresses. 

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Main refers to boyfriend or girlfriend based on Titles. These are the things they don’t tell you about. These are the things I found out on my own, like I said earlier. I was a screw up, probably still am because I haven’t mastered some of these things.

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I.The fights 

There is a level of UFC in every relationship and the finals are in like straight up wrestlemania ( yes I watch wrestling). The main position is an endless war zone but it’s just beautiful I must say. Difference in opinions are great, as long as you’re both mature enough to come to an agreement eventually or a healthy compromise.

II.Everything matters

Remember when she said she doesn’t care about money? And you believed that nonsense? Okay let me tone it down a bit. Everything matters, money, attention, your ethnicity, your religion and your hobbies. There’s so much you can compromise but some things just have to be matched. And your mindset also contributes. Some relationships simple end because the person lies in levels that insult your intelligence. In most ends, the ignored small issues build roots. ( being cheated on should be seen as a symptom of a deficit in a relationship or an unresolved issue)

III.The exes

They will matter more than the new chasers. Learn to handle those. My flaws included not drawing proper boundaries. I can safely conclude that at least 8 in 10 people has that ex who sneezes and that sounds like a calling. It makes the relationship you’re in seem like a side gig. As a main, you will fight against your partner’s career, hobby, family and whatever else takes their attention but exes will be the hardest pill.

IV. The friends

Being a main is extreme sport. It’s a balance between your friends and their friends. It gets worse if the friends have that extra sauce you need to spice your relationship. But that’s nothing compared to the friends that are vouching for your competition to win. I’ve been there. I saw my titanic hit the iceberg and I just said my prayers. Point is, their friends ain’t yours until the boat sinks. Keep your guard up too, it’s your relationship not a group project.

V. The heartbreaks

This is from all the men I know and those that will pretend that this is a lie. Men hurt. Bad. Being a main will have your ego and pride shattered a couple of times. When ends don’t meet, when you just want to be alone, when the relationship becomes a strain and all you want is a time out. And she/he does not care about your well-being. You will have people come into your lives that seem to have it all compared to you/your partner, your relationship will shake. 

VI. The lies

It’s just human nature . Lies will be there. I don’t mean the type that involve babies as a weapon or threat but those too will be there. The simple ones like “ I’m okay, I know you wouldn’t do that to me”, the types that inspire false confidence or mask pain. You will say “I love you” with uncertainty because the history and chemistry doesn’t allow you to admit you’re running on infatuation. Sometimes the love will disappear until you find the spark again.

VII. Support

Relationship goals are not about matching underwear and aesthetic Instagram feed. Support is what makes the foundation strong  but it’s often ignored. There is a relationship I left with lack of support contributing . Of course we had other problems, I was responsible for some if not most. But the last nail was that  I didn’t have that “woman behind a successful man” narrative. It took me time to accept it. Don’t get this wrong, financial support isn’t what I’m talking about. Imagine your partner not knowing things that are dear to you or simply not being your anchor or fan. 

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This is rather long but thank you for reading this far. I’m proud of you, your concentration span is officially better than mine.

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VIII.Relationship culture 

Every relationship needs one. The one thing that defines you as a couple. I don’t mean ethnicity or tribal implication of culture but the elements that you both share and value as a couple. No one talks about this because until now you didn’t know about it. It was an epiphany to me too. If you have contrasting value systems or copy other people’s “sauce”, you won’t last and if by some drunken miracle you do, you will fight. A lot.

Example of a culture could be that thing you do different as a couple like that daily video call at 4:30 or that event you attend every year.

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I could write a lot about the struggles and hidden truths about being a main but the goal here is, embrace it all. The good, the bad and the ugly if it’s all worth it. Also remember, walking away from something toxic ( abusive, unrequited, exploitative, egocentric or whatever hell coughs up) does not make you weak, cruel or strong. It means you’re logical. Take this main role serious, this is the core of my message. Give a hundred or let her/him go. If not ,NSA /FWB , don’t find yourself in a situationship.

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