Mind of a boyfriend

About the time I was a “Side”

I was a side guy. It was a conscious post that I humbly embraced with both my legs ( hands sorry). I was the most unprofessional side guy ever, just a while ago I posted the guide for an NSA. So I figured why not post one for being a side person. ( This only applies if you know you’re a side, if you are confident you’re the main , close this immediately).

I promised this type of content.


I. Do not text or call first

I recall being texted back by someone’s person trying to imitate their chat pattern. It was the weirdest text ever, it got me pretty sure why I was the side. I’m pretty awesome at words. Point here is, don’t text or call first. It’s unprofessional. And this thing of calling odd hours makes people lie. ( I swear my best friends were automatically my sides every time such unprofessionalism lurked

II. Address your coach by name

We are calling her/him coach from now on. Pet names will leave you broken when your relationship internship expires. Trust me I know. Imagine changing back contact names and getting pissed when you hear someone calling your coach “pumpkin”. Professionalism is the key.

III. Thou shalt desist from bae goaling

There’s no scientific explanation to this. You are not bae, they ain’t your bae. Resist the urge to commandeer responsibilities that are above your title grade. I have tshirts I don’t wear because of such naivety.

IV. Remember your contract could be terminated or renewed at will.

The side position is like a super sub position, you don’t know when you’ll be called in to play. You might not be called in at all. Always remember that. Remember you’re like a bag of weed, uyatshisa !

V. Don’t be the pain

I won’t lie, I was a terrible side. Mood swings and fantasies of upgrades, the one guy who submits CVs everyday when there’s no opening. Being a side is a distraction, a part time gig which by definition should be beneficial, stress free and easy going. I was none of that. I remember getting my coach to pick one player, and the bench was colder that day.

V. Grow up

Stop being an option. Eventually it all gets boring, settle. Don’t waste yourself all in the name of a thrill. Find you a person who appreciates you. Try your best to make sure you don’t give them reasons to get subs. 


The mind of a boyfriend condemns these types of relationships. Me on the other hand, am a victim of my own poison. I was a side, enjoyed it and decided to get a side. Soon it was a beautiful awkward and probably deadly pyramid. I was a side of a side chick and had my own side chick who was someone’s main whose side was friends with my side. It’s a small world, that’s the take away. Why be a side when you can be single ? Or better, loyal.


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