GBV is still an issue in this day and age and it’s appalling that it’s still happening. I wrote this with a heavy heart and broken spirits. The statistics of victimized women out there, the brutalities against minors and partners still have the nerve to abuse their counter parts. It’s disgusting what some humans are capable of doing, like I said. This is written is pain, in hopes that predicting some abusive traits will save a soul.
Stalking seems cute at first. It appears as it’s checking up on you. It progresses to a psychotic possessive toxic trait. If your partner someone wants you to account for everything you do, pay attention to other red flags. This may emanate in your phone being checked regularly, following you around or having people monitor your every move. There is a fine line between caring and stalking, learn and make this line bold.
II. Blame Game
Abusive behavior is synonymous with victim mentality. The abuser always place themselves as victims, they are quick to point out mistakes on others and never their own. Being corrected is an act of war to them, they’re always on the defensive. The type that says ” She was asking for it”.
III. Possessive / Isolation
Abusive partners are as evolutionary as they come. To them people are like their collection of trophies. If your partner takes you away from your friends and family most of the time. The “I want you all to myself” without limit is dangerous. Sweet at first but it may very well be being over possessive. Abuse tendencies put the individuals to isolate the victim so remove any sort of defense.
Revenge is a sign of weakness. An infection. If the partner wants to match every bad act you do, beware, next time it won’t be so cute. Vengeace is poisonous to logic, there’s no rationale in anyone who brews such thoughts.
V. Unrealistic Expectations
We humans have a threshold of our abilities and tolerances. Beyond that we strain our very fabric of being. Abusive people don’t see this narrative in other people. If for some reason, your weight, your body type, your hair, your talents, your personality is always put in scrutiny, GET OUT. You’re perfect the way you or the way you intend to be, at your own terms. There’s a lot of emotional abuse associated with living up to expectations set to demean you.
VI. Super sensitive / emotional
Odd but true. Crocodile tears are still tears. A wolf in sheep skin still has that skin. Look past that, the emotional triggers on abusive people are close. They’ll take offense to almost anything and guilt trip you to apologizing for saying or doing what you believe in. This may grow to emotional blackmail or even turn physical. The egos on abusive people is unmatched, their ego is probably bigger than the love they might have for you.
Do not get this wrong. Jealousy is a good thing. In the right amount that is. Getting a little jealous about your partner shows you still feel something for them. But again, there’s an acceptable amount of it. Anything above the normal, it becomes narcissistic pathological behavior. It may very well become possessive behavior. Your personal and social life are off limits to your partner. Your hobbies are yours ,keep them. If your partner wants to invade your space, watch it. Co workers, friends and everyone else becomes a threat to them and you might get accused of a lot of thing.
VIII. Demanding Sex
Saying no is allowed. Being forced to indulge when you do not feel like it is rape. I won’t go into specifics, if he or she can’t take no for an answer. Or even brings up , ” after everything I’ve done for you” , the answer must be no. It’s not a transaction. Be warned, rape amongst partners, married people, dating people, is a real thing. Intimacy doesn’t mean green light everyday.
IX. Traditional minded
It’s a women’s duty to… Shurrrruuuuup. Anyone who wants to bring patriarchy to any chore, arguement, conversation should go live with hyenas or kiss an eel. Traditions define us, but oppression is oppression, no amount of culture can take away ill traits. We live in a world that has rights, freedoms and choices. The sad thing is some people suffer in marriages in the name of traditions. Those still dating, pay close attention, being a second class citizen in your home doesn’t begin on the 5th anniversary of your marriage. It begins the moment you ignore the signs.
X. Verbal cues
Some words ain’t cheap. You know your partner best, learn his or her language. Language shows attitudes, dispositions and a lot more. Stay woke.
Stay safe. If they love you like they say they do they wouldn’t hurt you. It sounds simple, well because it should be that way. Is your life worth your silence ? Is your peace worth the torture?