Mind of a boyfriend

Going through your partners phone – thoughts

I think going through each other’s phones can be a little toxic, why be with someone if you can’t trust them? That’s my stance before we go anywhere. But then again, I saw something interesting, “Go through their phone so you know of you’re not wasting your time”. In any case, these are my thoughts on the subject.

Complete invasion of privacy at play there. Personally, the notes app in my phone holds almost everything, my thoughts, ideas, plans, and Unfinished pieces, someone going through that feels like being stripped naked and cast into a crowd. That aside, the messaging apps, well where most people look, sits all my confidential conversations with friends and family. Just because my partner is insecure, now they know about my uncle with no testicles or my friend who stole the neighbor’s chicken. What happens to all that information when we break up? Or when we meet my uncle.

The Chinese curse, “I hope you find what you’re looking for“. It’s so weird that if you set out to find something negative you find it or something worse. Trust me on this one, I died a million times when I went down that path. Sometimes the urge to check might be strong, gut feelings are real, but here’s the catch. What do you intend to do when you find what you find? Nothing else matters but that question, once you have the answer, factor in all the realities that might face you. Get comfortable with the choices you make, live them then by all means find what you’re looking for. And if you don’t find anything, just know you’ve lost a huge part of that person, you’ve lost their trust.

At the very least, without sounding like a robot. Checking your partner’s phone every now and then is controlling and a little abusive. You can’t expect them to filter everything they say because you’re lack connections with people. Let people’s phones breathe.

Final thoughts, if they want to check your phone, they’re probably projecting. If they accuse you of cheating and therefore need proof in your phone, they probably cheated and need reasons to soothe their guilt. And if that does happen, their phones are probably already wiped clean. Trust me. I have cheated and have been cheated on in the past, the dynamics to how all that goes is almost always similar. Not that I used to care about phones, I had someone voluntarily give me her phone to prove she was loyal… She was cheating by the way.

One last thing, my phone, my boundaries, if someone feels the itch to suddenly end our relationship, going through it is a sure way of building an exit door.

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