You are not dating your friends Yes I said it, you are not dating your friends, let that sink. Since time immemorial, there’s been an invisible war between partners and friends and for some odd reason the gospel says “thou shalt not choose thy bae before thy bros”. Is your bro going to cuddle you when it’s cold ?Is your hommie going to put his head on your chest when you fantasize nonsense and dream big ? Let’s be practical for a minute. ( Ladies, is Susan going to kiss you goodnight)
Bros before uhmm
The main scripture of the single men’s club. ( men’s club). Bros come before randos , the moment you qualify your lady as a ‘that H word’, you’ve already lost the war. She’s not that or an option. Your bros should understand that they’ll always be there but you need to build a life too. Don’t be fooled by Hollywood and whatever fantasy reality being sold out there. Your lady comes first in many contexts.
Whatever you hear about your partner from strangers is heresay but when it comes from your friends it’s verified information. At this point, someone needs to explain. You know who. Real friends will look out for you because they’re not dating you. Be logical in handling whatever rumours you hear, talk to your partner. Hear them out. If they’re true, deal with it or make whatever decision works for you. Don’t be quick to act based on what friends say, they run lookout, you run decision and strategy in your relationship. You know why ? Because you’re not dating them.
Relationship dynamics will always be different. Take your friends’ advice at your own risk. Some of the words of wisdom we get come from experience and at times those experiences don’t align with our relationship dynamics. Imagine being told to buy your girlfriend a car every 2 years because your friend does that. Or being told to not buy her gifts when you love doing that. Do what works for you not what works for your friends. It’s often weird how some people rush to decision based on friends’ opinions. Don’t let your loyalty to friendship make you disloyal to your relationship, work this out with your partner. Seek advice where necessary but don’t copy and paste everything into your relationship.
No one is an option
Your friends are your friends, your partner is your partner ( well if you’re really sure). Those boundaries are essential, they’re not rivals, they’re not allies either. They exist on their own obits. Keep it that way. Don’t find yourself having to choose between either of them when it comes to your dating life. Learn to balance your social without disrespecting your partner or undermining your friends.
But but but…
Er, no. No buts. You are not dating your friends periodt. Dating is an amazing phase, when and if done right, with the right person, life partnership is the end result. Don’t get caught up in circle mentality and lose site of what matters in your life. You started dating for a reason and that doesn’t involve appeasing your friends. Your friends are and will always be important to you like family. And just like family, they shouldn’t disturb your love life.