Mind of a boyfriend

Pieces of me – I have trust issues

Trust. The one consistent thing I’ve managed to lose over the years. Humans can not be trusted. Just so we’re clear, if you think you know someone , think again. You don’t. Trust sparingly, leave room for disappointment but love fully. And considering how fragile trust is, love with open eyes, blinding yourself will get you hurt.

Before I get lost in this piece, what even is trust ? I’m bringing this up because I recently realized we make our own definitions for things now . And get away with it. — Trust is the belief or confidence that someone will act in a reliable, honest, and competent manner.— Keyword there being ‘honest’. Trust involves both a willingness to be vulnerable and a sense of security that the other person will not take advantage of that vulnerability. Which is heavily dependent on honesty. And I must say, I’ve lost confidence and belief in a lot of people because of their dishonesty. I mean I don’t have confidence in myself too but I’m honest with myself.

I’ve seen the worst in people and turned a blind eye because people are entitled to their own behaviors. I thought it wouldn’t affect me but I’m questioning a lot of things now. If people I know are capable of cheating, leading people on for sport or benefit, breaking families, burning holes in other people’s relationships and other heinous things. And there’s me, capable of all that with testimonies. What’s worse is we lie so much it has become our second nature. It’s starts with ‘I’m fine’ to ‘I love you’. Then where’s the hope for genuine love if we lie about such sensitive things ? I have trust issues now. My guard is always up. And my walls keeping growing. Who can you trust when everyone is a liar ? What did you lie about today ?

Trust also comes with respect. We trust what we respect, see that uncle who has influence in the family ? You trust him blindly because you respect him. But with how little I respect a lot of things now. I have trust issues beyond the normal. I’ve seen people who don’t respect sacred institutions like marriage, church , tradition and expect to be trusted. How can I trust you when you can leave your wife to play house with flings you missed in your youth ? What happened to the vows you said in front of man, God and the law ? But there’s someone out there who trusts an unfaithful man. Maybe that’s a long shot. Boundaries, the smallest of them, what do you mean your bestfriend has s3x with you when you’re angry at your partner ? Matter of fact, why are you lying to yourself like that, is it all genuine or it’s a glorified friend zone.

I could be wrong. So let me talk about what I know. I know men enough to know no man wants to be a woman’s friend for no reason. Platonic relationships do exist yes, but men don’t form new friendships with women for those reasons. Now tell me why you think your man is casually making new female friends at his age ? That same mistrust you have, is the same he has for the male friends you’re collecting like infinity stones. Ladies, the way you don’t trust women is the same way he doesn’t trust men. Me, bringing this up is to show you that my trust issues are not subjective. We humans can’t be trusted.

And that is why I have trust issues.

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