• Creative Content

    Umjolo, The Dating : Part 4

    Umjolo, The Buhlungus The air was as light as my head then. My anxiety was screaming as loud as Bosso fans, this was it. The plan was going my way. Nothing ever went my way which made me uneasy. Life had a thing of showing me none of my plans mattered. The true life of a Zimbabwean boyfriend. I mean if everything were up to me I would have been home enjoying my boyfriend allowance. Probably expecting my weekly data top up from Fia. But here I was, on my way to confront her. My only consolation was YV was with me the whole way. Never trust exs. That’s the…

  • Creative Content

    Umjolo, The Dating : Part 3

    Umjolo, The Pandemic ” Ezinkulu ! You’re here to take her home” One of the police officers at the station shrieked. The bearded hero nodded, he never said a word. Mysterious. Maybe he had no teeth. I was really hoping he had no teeth to even the competition. Ashuu ! This man was the “don’t worry about him” incarnation. He was everything I wanted to be. Rich, powerful enough to steal ladies and a beard. He must have had a very handsome pocket to be noticed by the police. Or he was famous. Maybe both. That take her home part stuck. I felt my heart shred into many pieces. Whose…

  • Creative Content

    Umjolo ,The dating: Part 2

    Dating in Bulawayo is a community project. Extreme sports. There I was hand in hand with my ex facing Sofia’s bestfriend. Her weapon of mass destruction, umakhalekhukhwini the phone,  tightly gripped in her left hand and on her right car keys. I could see her Twitter happy fingers twitching. My girlfriend, u ‘Dear Santa’ was going to be fed false information. Once a story is on Twitter, no one cares about the truth. The truth is boring anyways. Imagine if Vovo knew lunch was paid using my girlfriend’s money.  Tinashe, affectionately known as Honda Fit Driver stood there facing us. My relationship was over kanjalo nje. This  woman hated me…

  • Creative Content

    Umjolo, The Dating: Part 1

    *Phone beeped “Dear Mdali, please let it be an ecocash text !”, I lamented in anguish. Umjombo is a whole different type of buhlungus. Understand this ,being broke on it’s own is bearable-nyana but being a broke boyfriend is a whole 6 feet of the pits. Harare water I tell you bandla. That wasn’t the day. The gods of umjolo had finally answered my prayers. It was a message from Mukuru. A whole Mukuru message bazalwane. Free pass and free money, my day was made. Sofia had outdone herself this time. I was impressed. It’s not everyday you get boyfriend allowance. Her hair business was booming. And for some odd…

× Ask A Boyfriend