About Spotting “Toxic people “

Toxic people are everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I cannot begin to count all the people I’ve had to escape. ( All 4 of them ). But do not mistake boring or annoying people for being toxic, some people are naturally undesirable. The odd thing is the most toxic people are the ones closest to you. The ones that have enough ammunition to crucify you. Them showing teeth doesn’t mean they’re always smiling, that could be them biting. Wouldn’t you want to know the traits of your Judases ? Crazy how relationships can get at times, Judas had his feet washed by his master at some point .

How can you really tell if someone is toxic ? It’s not as simple as you think because more often than not you accept some traits as part of the person’s personality. Here are a few signs of toxic people. (Side note: we over use the word toxic, we need a new one and fast. In all honesty, it’s too strong a word but it’s impact is why it’s here)

They Try to control you

Strange as it might sound, people who aren’t in control of their own lives tend to want to control yours. The toxic look for ways to control others, either through overt methods or subtle manipulation. Your schedules, your interactions and even your ideas are at their mercy. Your feelings are never considered, even if they believe they’re doing something you a favor. They always have an angle. Or they just don’t see it

They do not respect boundaries

If you’re always telling someone to stop behaving a certain way and they only continue, that person is probably toxic. Respecting the boundaries of others comes naturally to well-adjusted adults. The toxic person thrives on violating them. ( You have those friends that play coach and manager in your relationship without asking them to huh ? You see where this is going ? )

Enjoy playing the victim

The toxic revel in being a victim of the world. They seek to find ways to feel oppressed, put down, and marginalized in ways they clearly are not. This might take the form of excuses, rationalizations, or out-and-out blaming. That is a form of narcissism, toxic people thrive on attention and they’ll do anything to get it. When they mess up, they’re quick to play the defenseless victim. You are always wrong, you are the one who needs to fix things. They’re never in the wrong.

Escape responsibility

Part of the victim mentality comes from all responsibility. When the world is perpetually against them, their choices and actions can’t possibly be responsible for the quality of their life — it’s “just the way things are.”

Honesty is a myth to them

I’m not talking about natural exaggerations, jokes, or petty lies. I’m talking about blatant and repeated patterns of dishonesty. You’d swear these people would puke blood if they did anything honest. Everything about them is questionable. You know their patterns better.

They’re always right

Narcissism comes in a lot of ways and this is one manifestation of it. Toxic people will always justify why you should take their opinion above theirs. They rarely admin their wrongs. Which points to them as terrible listeners as well.

Receiving end

Relationships are a give and take type of game. Input and output in a way, it’s just laws of nature, science and everything else. Toxic people are always taking , they never give. They take energy, vibes, compliments, gifts, time and whatever else and they don’t give that in return.

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These are just signs but what you decide to do is all up to you. The best way to rid yourself of negativity and live a clean social life is breaking free from toxic people. It’s not easy, it takes time and proper execution but it’s very possible.

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Disclaimer : Dynamics of relationships are different so are the circumstances surrounding them. To some people,Susan might be an angel, to some she might be a controlling pain in the eye hole. These things may be contextual but remember character traits are a result of socialization , reinforcements and genetics. Most traits can be changed, toxicity is in behavior which means if someone is willing to accommodate you. They will adjust, or accommodate you without being toxic.