Untitled/Unfinished 3

Intoxicated. Faded really, or whatever kids call it these days . What’s worse is all I could think about was her. Stupid! Wasted alcohol.

After everything she did. I want to kill her. Drown her in her dirty pond. I hate her stupid pond. Caring for fish is pretentious, she cares for nothing. Her pond doesn’t deserve her. She has no heart. I want to hug her tight. Tight enough to make her stay forever. Or suffocate her. I’m not a violent person. I’m confused, like Dr What’s-her-name, some cunt name I always forget. Oh Cummings. That’s the name.

“Talk to me” She says.

What’s there to say really, I respond.

“Anything, Yell, scream, just don’t give me your back ” She says.

I should just drown her for real . Lucky her, her pond is far. We’re in a lodge room. The cheap ones without  pools and the Family plan Dtsv, and smells like freshly scorched sheets. Maybe that’s why she did it. I’m a cheap person. Well, broke is the word. What kind of person thinks this is acceptable in this modern society. I was meant to spend more than I make to please her. But my wallet is on like life support. Just like she will be if she keeps talking so close to my face. These violent episodes keep getting strong. My mother’s teachings would never allow me to harm a soul. But the extra curricular toxic masculinity coupled with her presence is winning.

“Who the fuck is Dylan?” I say.

“someone you’re not” she says.

And my rage died that instant. I cried in front of her. Not out of hurt. Her words cut through and touched my soul. I don’t know who Dylan is but she knows us both and no one knows me like her. Dylan is obviously better, no one trades in an iPhone 7 for and iPhone 5. He is probably richer, smarter, a more practical choice and for starters doesn’t take her to cheap rooms . My own mind battled against me. And all I could think about was Dylan. I want to meet Dylan. I want to be like Dylan. I need to meet Dylan.

“Tell me more about him” I finally manage to say.

“His real name isn’t Dylan, that’s a pet name, he’s closer than you think”

“Closer?”

Wasted alcohol. Now these fucking tears. Could it get any worse? Well spoiler alert, it did.

“Dylan is Mbuso” she says.

“Mbuso? Mbuso? “

“Yes, your…..”

It turns out you can drown someone without a pond. Or water. But air definitely leaves the body. On the bright side, her fish won’t be hungry for a long time.