We’re all a little broken. Well, some more than others but we all have scars. Some people are still nursing the wounds daily because some traumas have life-long lasting effects. Our pains emanate from different spectrums and the ones closest to us are the ones that break us the most, family, friends, and relationships. Not to say strangers don’t inflict the same pains, trauma is trauma, just different experiences of it. I’m here to say, don’t beat yourself up, we’re all a little broken so we probably have a lot of gaps to fill in each other’s lives.
Over the past few years of my existence, I’ve seen family be the hub of most of our pain, the reason for our brokenness. I’ve grown to accept most families are dysfunctional, and it’s usually the aunts, uncles, and blended parts of the family that cause conflict, rifts, and all that kak. And I must say, Dads from back then are probably mentors to the devil. I’m not discriminating, the world, being gender-neutral as it is now, some mothers are as intolerable as dads. Families can be the cause of insecurities, anxiety and self doubt, it’s easier to be broken by people you trust because of how much their opinions mean. The point is when you meet someone with that weight, the weight you’re probably carrying, be gentle. Calm the storm.
Friends can break you too. Betrayal, demeaning, manipulation, enabling you to choose the wrong things like having 3 boyfriends or pimping yourself out for drinks. There are a lot of ways in which friends can lead to your downfall, consciously or otherwise. Some people lost opportunities, fell into toxic relationships, risked their lives or health because of friends. The scars may vary but the instrument is similar. When you do meet people who are victims of that, be gentle. They lost trust, security, and a lot more, be patient. After all, this isn’t fiction.
Relationships. Ah, the holy grail of modern suffering. The streets, the pandemic, you get the idea. People go into relationships pure, innocent, with lots of hope ( until they get dribbled), and come out different, broken. Every relationship comes at a cost, lessons get learned and some experiences are life-altering. Coming out of an abusive relationship, for instance, be it emotional, financial, abuse will change a person. ( cheating is emotional abuse by the way). I’ve grown to believe that some relationships, perfect as they may be, may end, badly, and that’s because of timing. People don’t become exes for no reason. Being taken for granted, used, being lied to and a lot more can break us.
At times, we’re broken because our biggest enemy is on the other side of the mirror. Building fantasies, high expectations that are out of reach, procrastination, doubt, hiding in the shadows of others, being passengers in our own lives, the list is endless. Before pointing fingers at some factors, which might deserve the blame, how much of the damage is attributed to ourselves. Take a deep look within, find healing. Be gentle with yourself, and try your best not to lie to yourself, there are a lot of people capable of doing that for you.
I could go on but to some the rest up, life happened to most of us. We all had big dreams, hopes of love, a happy home, a good job, you know, the whole beautiful life. Then life happened, between the doings of people, our own sabotage, and missed opportunities, we got beat down by life. In some cases, we got robbed really, the death of those who protected us, the drying of funds, economies, you know… Life. We’re all victims of something. The sad thing is, we don’t all recover. Our pain haunts us and sometimes if not always sabotages any chance of us being happy.
As emphasized in everything I’ve been saying be gentle. This year has been tough on all of us, emotionally, psychologically, and dare I say mjolically. But what resonated with me the most was how the lockdowns got us close to our traumas, we had nothing but time to our thoughts. Nothing is as painful as being alone with your thoughts and all you can feel are all the cracks in your life, it’s very tempting to think changing a few things will magically heal everything. But that’s a topic for a different day, we’re all a little broken. Those who fight it, deserve the most love, give it. Spread kindness, heal, find the light (I mean we’re already broken, it’s easier to let the light in)