What’s the Spice ?

I’ve always battled with understanding what makes relationships tick the way they do. At some point I attributed everything to fate, soul mates they call it. How do they keep going after so many years ? What’s the secret behind these long term relationships? It’s easier to say it’s destiny but destiny has given most of us bruises and emotional knock outs. Karma has taken matters of the heart and made us victims of crimes we did and didn’t commit. Yet still, some people have mastered the art of staying in a relationship more than 4 years. What sorcery is that ?What’s the spice?

Ingredients to great relationships exist, not perfect, great. Relationships are more than just the aesthetics,  the work put into maintaining them is where the key is. Outside the selfies, social media and the audience,  relationships require a lot. After a long search, introspection, consultation and love songs, I give thee, iSpice.

The Spice
Growing together

Change is the only constant in life. Ergo growth is in the same stream. Evolving as a couple is essential, as you grow over the years, priorities changes, principles evolve and needless to say people do change. And they must. Grow together, recalibrate and synch your new views. Keep making memories , don’t fall complacent and forget to do the little things.

Don’t lose yourself

There is a theory that when people date too long, they start looking and acting the same. True as that may be, individuality doesn’t need to be extinguished. Losing yourself in a relationship is one of the biggest threats to maintaining one. It’s suicidal. Keep the traits that make you ,you. Those are little spices that glue the relationship together. The reason why people date. Those unique features.

Effective communication

Talking everyday does not correlate with communicating. You may be talking but don’t understand each other or the other person just isn’t listening. The key to keeping things going is in how effective you communicate. Throwing shade and mood swings without words is destructive, we are not all psychic. Speak to be understood, voice your concerns well and be empathetic.

Trust goes a long way

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. It takes a lot to build it. A relationship without trust is filled with insecurities, blame and halfhearted behaviors. It becomes a chore than an intimate relationship. Trust is also fragile, it can easily be broken. Learning to rebuild it is essential and it’s a very slow and painful process but if the cause is worth it, it’s possible.


Growing together and trust are elements that need time. People develop at different speeds and that’s the same in a relationship. There will be low days, frustrating days even. One of you might be employed and the other won’t be, being patient in that time is key. Even in making babies, getting engaged, marriage, be patient, that’s how you stay afloat. Rushing through stages and decisions demeans a lot of things. Patience is a virtue. I actually found use for that line.

What do you think Contributes to Keeping a relationship?

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One Comment

  • seedofathena

    Vulnerability is also important. Most of us enter these relationships with our walls built up high and that stands in the way of building something real.

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