bored people on a birthday party

Why they don’t want a relationship with you

I have heard quite a few people complaining about being friend-zoned, not being “wanted” or, put in a situationship when they want something more, a proper shot to being actually dated. Listen, I hear you, I won’t say it’s not your fault, let’s say it is and figure it out from there. What if you’re the reason they don’t want to date you? Are you doing these things ?:

You talk about your exes a lot

Positive or negative, talking about your past partners is a red flag, a well-marinated self-sabotage recipe. Doing this comes off as being stuck in the past, a reflection of unfinished business and unpreparedness for a new meaningful relationship. Ergo, it’s unattractive and no one wants to be a rebound and that’s why they won’t date you.

If you’re still bitter or stuck in your old relationship, take some time to get over it before you force yourself into people’s lives with that much baggage.

Your intentions are unclear

If you ask someone out or you are interested, follow through with how you act, put in the work. Going on and off is childish and it repels people even if they initially liked you. In your mixed, unclear intentions, some assumptions can be made and none of them work in your favor. You may come off as immature, undecided, or dishonest or all of those things and no relationship begins on that avalanche.

Having unclear intentions may also come off as having too many options and no one wants to be an option.

You seem needy

People are genuinely busy and they have lives that don’t revolve around you so constantly double texting, excessively calling, and ooh stalking them on all their social media gets old fast. Your inner voice might tell you that it’s fine to be so available, don’t listen to that voice, it’s possessed. Being always available sends all the wrong messages, A- it means you have nothing better to do with your time, I mean, unemployed people who don’t hustle or kids are the only humans with that much time. B- You’re desperate and need validation to see your value which makes you a liability. No one wants a clingy person.

Wait, let messages breathe and respect people’s schedules, you cant be sending ‘wud’ all day. And stop being around so much, that’s how you get to the friend/fam/booze-zone.

You can’t see past the superficial

Yes, she’s pretty, of course, he’s rich and obviously, she knows her body is fire, then what? No one walks around not being aware that they are attractive or that they have money. So you’re not going to set yourself apart by stating and re-affirming the obvious. If they wanted a cheerleader they’d respond to all their DMs on Facebook.

If you’re really interested, don’t be a cliche. Is (s)he funny, charming, smart, talented? Focus on that because half the time people overlook what actually makes a person interesting. But if you are after the superficial traits then it’s probably why they don’t want to date you or why it doesn’t last. Get that clout.

You are full of yourself

An inflated self of importance and ego is annoying. If you constantly talk about yourself, your life experiences, and accomplishments. And you still don’t understand why they don’t want to date you. The answer is in the mirror, date yourself.

Be more of an active listener. Yes, you want them to know you but this whole point isn’t about you, you’re trying to know each other. See-saw, don’t stand on the ground too long otherwise you’re playing yourself.

You’re theoretical or an Askhole

They like the idea of being with you but not the reality of it. On your part, you could be dwelling on hypotheticals to a point that it sickens the person away. (that’s a thing now)Some people are so stuck in their bubbles of fiction that they lose touch with what is happening on earth. (Coughs in social media feminists) *Askholes also fit into this bracket.

* An Askhole is an annoying individual who asks random questions with no substance or asks stupid questions without thinking.

You’re entitled

A sense of entitlement means that you only see and care about your own needs. You find a way to make everything about you, you’re always the victim and you’re on the receiving end of everything. Always asking for favors and being taken out. And to top it all off, you react, you don’t act, that means you don’t initiate anything. That often comes off as narcism which is a notch higher that entitlement. And a footing like that doesn’t make a solid place for a relationship.

You’re just boring

That’s a bit harsh. Maybe you’re just not your types’ type, you’re boring to the demographic you’re choosing.


  • You’re a terrible communicator
  • You overshare your time and life
  • You rush things ( Uyaphapha)
  • You find faults in everything – OCD/ Perfectionist vibes.
  • I want to say you use shorthand and WhatsApp GB but you already know that.
  • You’re too available.
  • You’re just nice. Weird but the world is rough on nice people.

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